Maybe it's because I'm an artist and we're prone to episodes of self-doubt... but we all have those times in our lives where we question what we're doing, where we are, who we are...
Tonight is one such episode.
I'm not looking for sympathy and I'm not making excuses but let me explain something:
I'm following my dream. I gave up my home, my family and friends and everything I knew to move to a new country to follow that dream.
I haven't been home or seen any of my family (except for one awesome visit from my mum about 18 months ago) in almost 3 years, I'm struggling to make ends meet, fighting tooth and nail to keep and excel in every job I'm lucky enough to get and I've lost two very important people to me within the last 9 months which I've barely begun to deal with emotionally.
As for relationships? I just don't have the spare time or energy to put into them which ultimately leaves me with bad experiences I'd like to forget and ruins the few good opportunities that I do find.
(It's like trying to find a nice scented candle: you can't afford the time or money to find a good quality one so you take your chances at the dollar store. Most of the time they smell dreadful or are full of toxins but very occasionally you find one that's good... only downside is it doesn't last because you didn't put the effort in to find one that would.)
But it's really not that bad!
I get paid to do a job I absolutely adore. I get to work with people who make me smile every single day (even when they're being little bastards) and I can be creative. It's never a problem to express myself, I'm fit and healthy (albeit with a terrible diet but that's self imposed lol) and although I miss my friends and family back in the UK (and in Alberta where I first lived when I moved to Canada) I still get to talk to them all the time. I've also made some good new friends here who I suspect will be just as miss-able as all the others when I move again next year.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that following your dream is like this:
Everyone tells you how hard it is, you know it's going to suck but it's ok because the end result is totally worth it. The thing is you have absolutely no idea just HOW hard it's going to be until you actually get there and experience it... you still know it's going to be worth it in the end but that doesn't help you deal with just how sucky it really is. So you do your best to ignore the sucky times, clinging to the notion that when it's all over you'll be SO glad that you kept going and never gave up.
Still if instead of everyone saying "well we told you so, quit bitching" it'd be nice for a couple of people to say "we believe in you, don't give up"...
***
Following your dream is a dangerous and courageous thing to do. Few of us do it and even fewer of us actually succeed but nobody can do it without enough support.
So if you know someone who's following their dream: take a moment every now and then to give them a hug or some encouraging words. They might not show it but they definitely need it.
And if you're the one following? Don't be afraid to ask for a hug when you need one. At least one person you know would drop everything to do it if they only knew how badly you needed it.
xxx
